


Dreams and Disasters

by Metronomeblue



Category: The Almighty Johnsons
Genre: (between a man and a woman- mutually), AND RIGHTLY SO, AU, Anders is a drunken wreck, Anders is a person, Anders is an idiot, Anders is kind of a jerk, Anders seems to enjoy ruining his own life, Angst, Auckland is full of Gods and Goddesses, Axl's uni experiences have nothing on Anders', Bitterness, Bragi has issues, Contracts, Dawn is a sweetheart, Emotionally Constipated Anders, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Florists, Fluff, Frigg is Maren's Drunk Aunt, Frigg is a character, It's the party game of the Norse gods, Linnea is accidentally a terrible friend, Maren is Not Okay, Maren is kind of violently repressed, Maren is the Frigg, Maren is understandably pissed, Maren will listen to your shit but she wont take it, Marriage, Minor Violence, Pining, Reconciliation, Shamelessly AU, Swearing, Tension becomes Sexual Tension, The Idunn Problem, Ty is not convinced of Anders' status as Pure Evil, University era, both to uni and Asgard, more flashbacks to come, possible actual smut may be involved, relationships that involve healthy communication, so is Bragi, with depth and stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2016-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-02 22:53:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 7,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4076836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metronomeblue/pseuds/Metronomeblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Complete AU. while at uni, Anders formed a relationship with a girl, only to find that destiny had already screwed them both. Years later, after Odin begins searching for his Frigg, Anders does his utmost not to find her again. Fate has other plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just fucking with canon at this point. I just was really intrigued by my rewatch of the pilot episode, because Anders' reactions to the whole "Axl is Odin!" shit were very nebulous and kind of dark. And then I just kinda ran with it.

Anders was always reminded of her whenever he saw flowers. The first few years out of uni, he had to force himself into stoicism just to avoid having some sort of fit in the street. It got easier, as time went on. Especially once Dawn began working for him, and he grew more and more used to seeing vases of flowers littering his office. He still found it difficult to walk through gardens. He absolutely refused to go into any flower shops. Mike gave him odd looks when he had flowers delivered professionally rather than just picking them up, but Anders refused to explain. Those memories were his, and no matter how much he might revisit them, he wouldn't give them away.

He doubted she thought of him as often. He wouldn't blame her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's just to get the story up. Something better and longer will follow soon. :)


	2. Prologue (II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She broke his heart, you know. Ruined it for everyone and everything else... except for making money."

Maren didn't like to think about Anders Johnson. Whenever she did, a pain burned behind her ribcage and caused whatever she was holding to shatter. It was an old bitterness, and she didn't like to think on it for too long, but sometimes she'd get in a customer and she'd want to tell him all about how their odd wedding ceremony involved goats and a herd of pastel sheep crossing a river, or how the fiancé reminded her of Yancy Thompson from Home Ec in the Electives Wheel. 

And then something would break and her heart would feel sore and the little spark in the back of her mind would flare violently. And she'd breathe a little and move on. Anders Johnson was a thing of the past. She wasn't letting him in anymore, no matter how she wanted to. 

And she wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote at the beginning is a paraphrase from a Lewis episode, A Generation of Vipers.


	3. Day One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh take me back to the staaaarrrttt..

1997, Auckland.

Maren lit the Bunsen burner in front of her, reaching under the table for her notes, which promptly fell out of her bag and slid across the aisle, leaving papers all across the floor. She groaned inwardly, slipping off her stool to crouch down and-

promptly smack her head on her own notebook, which was being offered to her by a blond with a strange expression on his face.

"Thanks for that," she said, carefullly taking the notebook from his hand and doing her best to shove every paper into the front of it.

"I'm Anders," he said casually, like he hadn't just hit her in the head with her own notebook. " Anders Johnson."

"Lovely, could you please get off my papers, Anders?" She asked politely, tugging futilely at the aforementioned document.

He shrugged, stepping towards the desk and sliding into her seat. "Might as well," he grinned, eying her up as she scrambled. "We're going to be working together, after all."

Maren stared at him and didn't offer her name.

"So," he drawled, "like, who are you?"


	4. Pursuance

"Yeah Anders, but are you actually helping here?" Mike asked, running one hand through his hair.

On the other end, Anders scoffed. 

"Of course I'm helping. I'm helping Axl get his end in with hot goddess-like babes, who may or may not be actual goddesses." Anders left out the bit about how he absolutely knew what he was doing and how no, he wasn't really helping, and no, he didn't care. "Besides, whether or not they are actual goddesses doesn't matter, right? Because how is baby bro going to man up enough to be Odin if he doesn't get a little experience in first, eh?" Mike sighed, and the little boy in Anders who still idolized his big brother felt a frantic need to defend himself.

He repressed it. Forcefully. 

"It'll all work out in the end, right?" Anders said, jotting an address into his palm. "Anyway, I've gotta go. See you later, don't die, tell Ty to lighten the fuck up, talk to you about this some other time when it's less boring bye!" Mike stared at his phone for a moment as he tried to resist the urge to brain himself with it.

"So what'd Anders have to say?" Ty called from the back.

"He says you should 'lighten the fuck up', and I agree," Mike replied, turning. "But he's got no excuse about the Frigg. Seemed in a hurry to leave, too."

"Hmm." Ty took a bite of the cold toast sitting on the table. "Wonder why."

Anders looked again at the address, now smeared, scrawled messily over his hand. 

Fleur d'Etoile  
822, Voigtland Avenue

He looked back up at the storefront, where a woman with dark hair was struggling to haul a massive potted fern into the back of somebody's truck. 

"Right," he whispered, starting the car and driving away. "Right."


	5. What Happens in Auckland Stays in Auckland part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The non-existent relationship between Anders and Maren devolves. Quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really love bratty Uni!Anders and the idea that yes, he was kind of always like that. On the outside, at least.

March 17th, Auckland, 1997

"Oh," Maren said, her lips flattening into a thin white line. "So you're back." Anders snorted, tossing his books onto the  
table.

"I am taking the class," he drawled, pulling a dubious notebook-like object from his bag. Maren grimaced, twirling her pen faster and hitting herself in the eye.

"Shut up," she said quickly, and Anders didn't bother trying not to laugh. "I'm bad at life, okay, we all know."

"All?" Anders asked, clearly amused.

"I know all the nerds," she joked. "I'm practically their queen."

Anders laughed at that, and she smiled at him.

"I can believe that," he said, opening his notebook to a clean page.

"You should, it's true," a tall, thin somewhat wheezy man interjected.

"Professor Killans!" Maren cried, springing from her seat to embrace him. Anders raised his eyebrows at them both, looking rather like a disapproving grandmother.

"I figured you were mature enough to like older men," he began as she released their new teacher and began to sit, "but isn't that a little _too_ old? I mean, aren't you afraid he's going to die in bed?" She shot him a glare. "Don't get me wrong- sex up the teacher if that gets you a better grade. Just call 999 if he collapses due to your..." He took a look at her chest. " _Otherworldly_ assets."

" _Arse_ ," she hissed at him as their classmates began to file in.

She didn't speak to him again that day. She found it prevented her from committing murder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note- I like the idea of Maren having like a wheezy little old asthmatic science teacher for a friend. Like, he's just so tortoise-like she can't help but be fond of him. Also, Anders is a self-defeating jerk sometimes.


	6. Anders is Not a Stalker... Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders is trying not to find the Frigg while he's trying to find the Frigg. It's difficult.

Anders started his car quickly, driving past before Maren could look up.

She followed the car with her eyes, knowing instinctively that something about it was off. It was going too fast for anything but an emergency, but the driver waited too long at the stop sign to be in a hurry. It was frustrating. She sighed, pushing her hair out of her face to tie it up in a pony tail.

"Linnea! What happened to Grace? Gretchen? Galinda? What was her name?" Maren groped on the counter for a hair tie, still looking out the window in the direction the car had gone. Linnea snorted, handing her a piece of green twine. "Thanks," she muttered distractedly.

"Her name was Gaia, and what is it about that car that passed that has you all fucked over?"

"Lin, I'm not 'fucked-over', I'm suspicious. I thought we agreed that 'fucked-over' was a good thing?" Maren absently stroked a small succulent.

"Yeah, but it applies here too, because you look like you have just been _roundly_ -" At the ding of the bell, Maren slapped a hand over her mouth and flashed a terrified and somewhat paranoid smile at the woman who walked in, which was good because she had three children, all of whom were eerily silent. The woman introduced herself as Agnetha and spent the entirety of her time there discussing rose hybrids with Maren while her three children stood, silent and still, beside the doorway.

"Good parenting," Linnea said with a strangely impressed look on her face, as they followed their intimidating mother away.

"Do you think so?" Maren asked, looking nauseous. "I don't think they're real children."

"What?" Linnea asked, and Maren grimaced.

"Freya's chariot was drawn by three giant cats," she said, tapping her fingers on the glass of the mirror behind them. "Well, six, but three of them were run over by a tractor in 1972."

"You think she was Freya?" Linnea asked. "Is _that_ what that shiver meant?"

"You and I- we've learned to manage ourselves." Maren began trimming tulips for the window. "Not everyone is so restrained."

"Did we used to be that unsubtle?" Lin asked, picking up the tulip leaves and stapling them together in the appropriate shape. She traced a layer of frost over them, forming a beautiful crystalline vase with a layer of leafy green within. "I feel like I used to be a loose cannon."

" _Used to be_ ," Maren snorted, shaking a bouquet of dried roses back to a lush white, overflowing with life. "You're a bloody maniac."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cats are people, too, Maren. Unless they've been over by tractors. Then they're just fodder for dark comedy.


	7. Nerd Lady?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders just cannot keep his foot out of his mouth.

March 23rd, Auckland, 1997

"Hey, you, with the hair!" Anders called, waving at Maren from across the classroom.

"Not my name, she called back, huffing as she jotted down rough estimates of how long it took for test subjects to react to stimuli.

"You know who I meant, though," he smirked, coming up behind her. "What was the last one?"

Hm." She hummed, ignoring him.

"Oh come on, science queen," he pleaded, "I am going to fail if I don't know anything." She continued writing.

"Fine," he muttered.

The next week went much the same, with him whispering innuendo into her ear and her steadfastly ignoring him. All of their data was kept just outside of his reach, and he had to find excuses every time the professor asked him about their progress. He was almost certain those two were in it together.

"Look," he began on Monday, when he found her transcribing reaction times during lunch. "I know I'm an arse, but I really   
do need your help."

She sighed, putting down her pen.

"Nerd lady?" He asked hopefully. Her left eye twitched. She collected her things and left, brushing right past him as if she couldn't feel his presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like, seriously, grow up you two.


	8. Useless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders is decidedly unhelpful. Ty suspects.

"He's avoiding us! And more importantly, he's not helping us!" Mike slammed his hand down on the table, pressing his weight forward until his forehead almost touched the wood.

"I think it says a lot about our priorities that the quest is more important than Anders," Olaf mused drunkenly. Though, to be fair to Olaf, he didn't really do anything sober.

"Anders abandoned us for years," Mike snorted. "Anything is more important than Anders."

"That's not quite fair, Mike," Ty said. " _We_ weren't quite fair to him."

"He talked **Val** into bed with him!" Mike yelled. "He used _his powers_ to get _my girlfriend_ into bed with him! He practically raped her!"

"Do we know he used his powers?" Axl asked. "I mean, Anders is a dick, but he's not really a rapist, right?"

"It's _Val_ , Axl," Mike hissed. 

"Val, who got into bed with you months after her fiance went into a coma, Val?" Ty snorted. "I mean, I love her, believe me, but she's made some questionable choices in regards to timing before."

"Ty?"

"Yes, Mike?" Ty snarked.

"Shut the **fuck** up."

"Yes, Mike."

"Anyway, somebody find him and get him the fuck over here."

"I'll do it," Ty volunteered. "He might even listen to me."

"Fine," Mike bit out.

The truth was, Ty felt something was off. Even when Anders blew off the first call, he'd usually answer the second or third to tell them to fuck off. They were going on seven, now, and while Mike and Axl might not think Anders cared, Ty always got him on the first or second try. Seven... either he was passed out in his living room or he was dead in an alley somewhere.

"Anders?" Ty called, banging on his door. "Anders! Are you alright?"

"Well," Anders drawled, swinging the door open in a way that meant he was utterly shitfaced. "If it isn't my _caring_ brother."

"Are you alright?" Ty asked after a minute.

"Perfectly _fucking_ fine. I've only just blown my ten-year streak of not fucking up." He fell forward and Ty had to catch him.

"Ten years? Anders, I don't know what you're talking about, but I don't think you've gone ten years without fucking anything up." Ty panted, trying to drag his uncooperative brother to his couch.

"You don't _understand_ ," he slurred. "Y'don get it, b'cause I _never_ told. I never did." Ty pulled off his shoes and put him in the recovery position. "I kept the bigg'st secret. I kept her safe." He promptly fell silent, and when he turned, Ty could've sworn he was dead.

"Anders?" Ty asked, and got no response. He hit Anders' leg and his brother jerked, muttering. "Jesus."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be too hard on Mike. He loves Val, and he doesn't want to believe she'd willingly cheat on him with his younger brother. It's fair to say he'd be pretty upset either way. 
> 
> On the other hand, I feel like Anders knew both Val and Mike too well to just randomly talk his wife into sleeping with him.
> 
> Meanwhile, Anders is a drunken wreck who's managing not to really fuck up, to everyone's surprise.


	9. What Happens in Auckland Stays in Auckland part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders is still a brat. Maren is still an emotionally repressed snob.

March 27th, 1997, Auckland.

The next time he found her outside of class, about three days later, was during lunch on a Sunday.

"I really need to talk to you about-" He began, but was suddenly pushed out of the way.

"It's true," a redhead with enough tiny freckles to qualify as a pegboard announced as she slid into Anders' seat, completely disregarding him.

"Excuse me," he muttered.

"You're excused," she said breezily, handing a large, neat sketchbook to Maren. "I keep telling you should switch to Advanced," she said to the brunette, obviously rehashing a conversation they'd had many times. "There are no blond jackasses there." Pausing, she appeared to think better of this. "Except Holly. And we all know that's because she's pure evil."

"Linnea, I do have a lab going," Maren said pointedly, "but thanks for the advice. See you later." The redhead made an unimpressed face at Anders, who glared back at her, unsure why he felt so displaced.

Honestly, it wasn't even all about the grade at this point. He just felt sort of lonely. He had isolated himself from his brothers after that incident on his birthday, (because never mind that he hadn't even had to use his powers on Val, obviously it was all his fault), and pretty much all the students in the class wouldn't even talk to him. He had actually tried using his powers on the brunette- whose name he still couldn't for the life of him remember- but she just ignored him like she always did now. It shouldn't bother him; he was used to being alone. It was just that something about this felt personal- as if a part of him wasn't used to being alone and did in fact crave company. He told that part of himself to shut up, and walked away from his alleged lab partner.

Maren closed her book and looked after the blond, who looked bleached and unhealthy in the bright light of the sun. She sighed, trying to tamp down the part of her that yearned to just talk to him, to tell him off for being such a jerk and shout that her name was Maren and that she knew all the answers to his questions and that yes, she was tired of ignoring him because he was charismatic and attractive and a little bit sad.

But there was a stronger part of her that told her that he would have to respect her before she told him any of that, and that respect was obviously not forthcoming at the moment. All he had to do was look her up. The roll call, the student roster, the inside of her notebook. All it would take him was to stop expecting her to give it to him. He wasn't stopping. She would not break first.

She'd later find that this part of her was called Frigg, and that it would serve her well in the coming years.


	10. Maybe You Could Save My Soul?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maren and Frigg discuss each others' love lives. With vodka.

Maren collapsed on her couch with a bar of chocolate and a righteous bottle of vodka.

So she was a stereotype- sue her, it had been a long, strange week, and whenever she was in a bad mood the flowers tended to wilt.

"Fucking Norse gods," she muttered, taking a swig.

"Oi. Not nice," a blonde berated her, sliding onto her couch with more grace than Maren could ever possess. "I think I'm quite lovely."

"Yes, Frigg. You and your goddamn love life are sooo lovely. Not inconvenient at all." Frigg shrugged ethereally and Maren quashed a wave of envy.

"Odin and I know where we stand. It's our hosts whose love lives are the problem." Frigg snatched the bottle from her, setting it on the table. "You have to do what's right for you, Mar." Maren looked at her with tired eyes.

"What's right for me disappeared ten years ago. What's the use of anything less?"

"As long as you're alright with it," Frigg said doubtfully.

"Just shut up and drink," Maren sighed. "You're not even here." Frigg allowed herself to fade just enough. 

"I'm here enough to matter," she pointed out. "Unlike most of your kind, you can manifest me."

"That's cause I'm great," Maren said, pointing at her with the bottle of vodka. 

"Yes, you tiny ball of rage. You're fantastic," Frigg smiled at Maren. They both knew she didn't believe a word of what she was saying.

"Damn right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maren's not much better off than Anders, tbh. She's just less open about it.


	11. What Happens in Auckland Definitely Does Not Stay There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things escalate pretty quickly. Mostly because they're both holding in a lot of tension there.

15th May, 1997, Auckland.

It all came to a head in May.

They were going to test each other's reaction times and record them. Professor Killans had eyed Anders warily before handing him the equipment. To be honest, Anders had pretty much given up on talking to her, but when he saw what he was supposed to be doing he gave a wicked grin and vowed to, at the very least, enjoy this.

They moved in silence initially, Anders tossing rubber ducks and miniature torches at her and using the readings to pace his throws. As time went by, he could tell she was becoming more and more irritated with him, that she was becoming wiser to his plan with every throw.

When it came up to things like baseballs and stones, he began aiming for different areas of her body. She tended to catch them, but he was getting rather good at the throwing bit, and eventually he hit her leg. She glared mutinously up at him from where she was rubbing the afflicted area. He raised his eyebrows, and her lips pressed flat. She stood again.

His throws became more and more directed, more and more accurate, and the longer it went the angrier they both got. She kept catching every other object and he kept hitting every other body part.

He threw a baseball at her head, and she snapped.

"You-" she threw it back at him. "ABSOLUTE-" he covered his head. "ARSE!" She tackled him.

"I will not stand there and let you throw shit at me!" She shrieked as she punched him in the face. He had to admit, it wasn't actually a terrible position to be in. Her legs were straddling him, pressing them together at just the right spot. She felt him twitch and she hit him again.

"Fair is fair, Queen Nerd," he gasped, laughing, flipping them over. She promptly kicked him between the legs, and when he fell back, grasping his crotch, she aimed a thorough kick at his solar plexus so that he fell back flat onto the ground.

"As if," she hissed, as he lunged forward to yank at her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops. So...


	12. Penal Fracture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Aftermath of last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eight chapters in one day! I hope you like them.

The administrators were having a field day, tossing paperwork at them left and right. Anders and Maren sat side by side in plastic chairs, Maren holding ice packs to her head and arm, Anders to his crotch, chest and eye. Though the rest of the school was in an uproar, they sat in complete, exhausted, relieved silence. Maren's red-headed friend was arguing with an attractive blonde in a sundress and sweater.

The brunette snorted, breaking the silence.

"Honestly, you'd think she and Holly would notice the sexual tension."

Anders snorted in return, looking over to the girl beside him.

"I never did get your name," he said, giving her a small smile.

"You absolutely did," she laughed, smiling back. "It's Maren. Maren Matteson. I'm the girl who ruined your sex life for the next three weeks." She stuck out a hand.

"Anders," he said, shaking it. "And I'm much obliged."

"Oh?" She laughed. "I'd have thought you'd be concerned, given that your new friend-slash-lab-partner just effectively broke your dick for a few weeks."

"Nah," he said, "There's this girl who won't leave me alone. I'm almost tired of orgasms."

"We can't have that." She replied, deadpan.

"Of course not," he replied, looking honestly horrified. "That would be a travesty." He turned to her completely, wincing at the jostle of his injuries. "Thank you so much, lab partner, for breaking my cock and making me wait long enough to desire sex again."

"That's what friends are for," she replied with a grin. "Also, can we please, please talk about other things at some point? Sex is only a good topic for so long." Anders pondered that for a moment.

"I can live with that."

"No innuendo?"

"Not a word." She raised her eyebrows in a credible impersonation of the look he gave her when they first met.

He laughed, then stopped abruptly, wincing. She winced in return and apologized, but his reaction was half in pain, half in relief that the silent treatment she'd given him hadn't been truly her.

He liked who she was now.

He _really_ liked who she was now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't resist lame puns okay.
> 
> Penal Infraction- Breaking the law
> 
> Penal Fracture- Breaking the dick
> 
> Also, Maren's "at some point" also means she's not entirely opposed to talking about sex with Anders. She just enjoys variety.


	13. #justgoddessthings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> good friendships between lady gods make me happy. Also, Maren's personal life is awful.

Maren woke up with a truly stupendous hangover. Frigg's encouragement had faded with the spirit herself, and by midnight she had descended into a vodka-fueled breakdown. She sat up, wincing, and rubbed old tears from her eyes.

"This is not what I thought life would be like after uni," she muttered, pulling hair from her eyes and trying not to think of Anders. She sighed. The sun blazing through her curtains seemed a little too bright for eight in the morning, and she had a sneaking suspicion that it was later than she wanted it to be.

Sure enough, the clock in her kitchen read out noon. "Shit," she hissed, throwing on a sweater and slipping some old shoes on. "Linnea had better be there."

The commute was easier than usual, likely because she was four hours later than usual.

"Hey trash," Linnea called from behind the counter, trimming daisies. Maren breathed a sigh of relief.

"Why didn't you call me?" She chasitised, tidying the shop and checking the displays. "What if you needed me?" Her friend shrugged, chopping the head off of a particularly offensive flower. 

"If I needed you, I'd call. You don't get much sleep, usually," she said. "I figured maybe you needed a morning off."

Maren hugged her. "Ew, no, stop," Linnea protested, struggling a little. "I'm not a hugger, you know this!"

"Shut up, freckles," Maren said, drawing back. "Love me."

"Of course, your grace," her friend snorted. "I'll get right on that."

"Damn right!" Maren called from the back room, from whence she retrieved the block of ice they were to use as a centerpiece for that night's event. "Hey," she began suspiciously, "This looks really small, Lin. Like, too small."

Linnea turned, and made a scalded cat noise. "That's a good deal shorter than it should be," she said angrily. "I can't do jack shit with that." The clippers in her hand began to frost over, and the daisies began to shrivel.

"Lin, we just need to find someone who can carve out a quick ice sculpture in time for tonight. It doesn't have to be you," Maren consoled her. "It's not your fault."

Linnea made a discontented sound something like a lion resigning itself to vegetarianism.

"Fine," she eventually said. "But I'm picking."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the most unsubtle, I'm sorry.


	14. Dawn and Ty talk conspiracies and Anders' love life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what it sounds like.

"I just don't understand," Ty sighed, swirling his wine nervously. "He doesn't usually get pissed like that. And there wasn't even anyone there with him."

Dawn's eyes narrowed. "Nobody?" She asked. "Not even some blonde with large... Assets?" Ty smirked momentarily at her description, but soon lost the humor. 

"No, not even a blonde." Dawn hummed and took a sip of her wine. "Is that unusual?" He asked, trying to think of a time Anders hadn't gone home with a girl and a drink.

"Not unusual, exactly," she said slowly, trying to choose the right words. "But there are times he gets drunk and goes home alone, and times when he goes home and gets drunk alone."

"There's a difference?" Ty asked, now even more worried. Dawn nodded, swallowing before she answered.

"Definitely. I'm no expert on Anders, but there are certain days when he can't focus on anything or anyone and he comes in the next day with such a hangover he can barely walk. It's always the same days, too." Ty, thinking back, was beginning to see a pattern, too.

"March 7th," he said slowly, "April 18th." Dawn made a noise.

"June 12th," she nodded. "And he's been getting worse lately. The last few years I thought he was going to get himself killed."

Ty grimaced. "Last night he was barely awake. I didn't want to leave in case he died or something."

Dawn leaned forward. "We need to find out why."

"It's a big invasion of his privacy," Ty said reluctantly. 

"It's for his own good," Dawn said. "Like he'd care about our privacy anyway," she snorted.

Ty paused. "Yeah, okay."


	15. One Selfless Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally see what drove Maren and Anders apart, and it's not pretty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is where the higher rating comes in, bc there's some language, and a scene of Anders being, well, Anders. Just so you know.

Anders didn't know why he did some things. Sleeping with Val? No idea. Brainwashing Dawn? No fucking clue. He'd tell you it was because he could, because he felt like it, because he wanted to. 

This would be a lie.

Anders didn't want to do half the things he did. After a few years of god-hood, he'd figure out that it was Bragi- Bragi pushing people away from him, giving him a push in the right (wrong) direction, making decisions for him.

He just felt a nudge in the side of his throat, like someone tightening their fist around it and he had to do something. He didn't start thinking again until after he'd done it, and by then it was far too late. By then, usually, Bragi had ruined something for him. But those few years, the years between his twenty-first and twenty-fourth birthdays, when Maren was his best friend and Linnea was their disapproving but genial chaperone, Anders didn't feel  a single push, didn't do anything stupid except of his own free will.  

And then, one truly awful night, he did.

It began with a drink. Three years, and Linnea had never once shown the slightest interest in Anders as an individual. She'd been alright with him tagging along with her and Maren, even alright with him and Maren becoming friends, but him and Maren becoming... More, was not in any way alright with her. 

She told him so. Vehemently.

"And don't even think of trying to trick her into bed because I don't think that will work on her because it's never worked on me, and seeing as how we're both-" Linnea shut her mouth and Anders raised an eyebrow.

"You're both what?" He had a feeling, had always had a feeling. Linnea pursed her lips.

"You'd never believe me," she said quietly.

"Cause you're what, a goddess?" Anders snorted, taking a drink. "I figured. Your air of insufferable self-righteousness was palpable from the moment we met."

"Skadi, goddess of winter." Her eyes were silver, colder than even Ty's could get. 

"Who's Maren?" He asked, and hated himself for it. Linnea snorted, downing three shots in quick succession.

"You really don't know?" Anders didn't say anything, and she started laughing. "See the best part," she choked out, "is that neither does she!" The laughter overcame her to the point where tears were leaking from her eyes. "She's the damn queen! The fucking queen, and she doesn't have a fucking clue!"

"She's Frigg," Anders whispered, the hand holding his glass dropping slowly to the table. It was, for a moment, as if the whole world stopped moving. The revelers at the other tables stopped dead, their arms held in the air. The hen night party at the bar stools froze solid, Skadi- Linnea- in her bitterness and mirth, frozen with tears of laughter and desperation in her eyes. Anders himself froze, his mind furiously looking for another explanation, another way.

What he found was Bragi, and a push that sent him spiraling out of himself.

"Alright then," he said numbly, downing the rest of his drink. "I suppose we're done here." 

"Are we?" Linnea asked, coming down from her humor.

"What more is there to say?" Anders smirked, feeling everything and nothing at the same time.

"Well," Linnea said genially, shrugging in a way that let him know that she was properly drunk, "I suppose nothing."

"Yeah," Anders muttered, shrugging on his coat. "Barkeep-" the girl came over, smile wide and hand out for his glass. He smiled half heartedly and passed her a fifty. "For my tab and hers."

The walk to Maren's was about ten minutes on a good day. That night it seemed to take o much longer.

"Anders?" Maren asked, her smile genuine and uncompromised. Anders felt a warmth in him, a softness around his heart, and then, like a wash of ice coming over him, he felt a strange pulse in his throat, and then felt hardly anything, as if he'd stepped outside of himself for the time being. 

"Maren," he replied, his voice as smooth and empty as it was when he spoke to strangers. "My favorite doormat."

"Anders, are you okay?" Maren asked, drawing her arms around herself.

"I'm fine. Are you? You seem a little more off than usual- you know, a little more pathetic, a little less desperate." If he had been all there, Anders might have cared about the way Maren's jaw immediately clenched and she sank into herself.

"Are you high or something?" She asked, her voice cold. "Because some sort of intoxication or temporary insanity is the only reason I'll accept for the way you're speaking to me tonight." Anders laughed.

"Temporary sanity might be a better explanation. You know, I've finally come to my senses. I'm finally getting rid of you, getting you out of my life! I always feel different when you're not around, but do you know what I've realized, Maren? It's freedom I'm feeling." Anders spun in place, something in him rejoicing at the lies spilling from his lips. "I tell you the truth, I'll be free of you for good! Free of your pathetic neediness, your incessant need to prove your superiority, your complete desperation." Maren drew in a breath.

"You think I don't see it? The way you crawl after me like an empty little whore? Like there's nothing you wouldn't do to gain my affection?" He laughed, the same laugh Linnea had given him in the pub. Maren remained silent, arms crossed and eyes cold. "You're nothing to me!" He laughed. "I hope you never touch me again. Better yet, I hope I never have to hear you say my name in that repulsive voice of yours ever again."

"I doubt," Maren began, ice-cold and dark in her fury. "That you will ever have to worry about that after tonight."

"I should hope not," Anders said, voice too buoyant for the ugly things he was saying. "You disgust me."

"I am so glad to hear it," Maren said icily. She paused for a moment, and Anders could've sworn he saw a flash of sadness in her eyes. "I hope you suffer," she said intensely, quietly, as if it was the last thing she's ever say to him.

In a way, it was. She slammed the door, then, and the fierce pulsing thing that had possessed Anders fled, leaving him drained, boneless, and hating himself more thoroughly than he had ever hated anyone.

He stood outside her door for a moment, considering his options. He had a final in the morning, the last of the year, and he knew he should probably go home and sleep off the night's agony. He looked down the long street, to where the glow of the pub lay, like a golden beacon of loss and self-loathing. He knew if he returned there'd be a succession of hard liquor, dim lighting, and a willing blonde bartender to drown his losses in.

He walked back down to the pub in silence, trying to get the taste of the words he'd spat at Maren from his mouth. When he walked in, he wasn't expecting to find Linnea, still drinking.

"What the hell happened to you?" She asked drowsily. Anders looked at her for a long moment.

"I made her hate me," he told her, sounding happy and unaffected, though he knew his eyes looked dead. "I said the worst things to her, and I made her believe them."

"What?" Linnea asked, suddenly sobering. She sat up straight, eyes wide and face shocked. "Why the fuck would you do that?"

"Because I'm in love with her!" He yelled, the emotions churning in him freeing themselves. "Because I love her, and she can't love me."

"Yeah," Linnea said. "But why would you ruin your friendship like that? You never do anything for anyone else."

"I had to," he whispered, sliding into the chair opposite her, face in his hands. "I had to do it, because what the hell kind of person would I be if I didn't?"

"You'd be you," Linnea offered. Anders laughed into his hands.

"That's the problem." He downed her last shot, ignoring her offended look. "I'm not Odin, am I?" He looked Linnea straight in the eye. "That's why you told me, wasn't it? Because she's Frigg, and she's meant to be with Odin, and that's not me." Linnea laughed.

"I told you because I thought you should know. You read too much into what I said."

"Yeah?" Anders asked, signaling for another shot and shooting a charming smile at the bartender. "Fuck you, then."

Linnea laughed. Anders got himself piss-drunk, charmed the bartender into going home with him. He fucked her that night, poured all of his self-loathing, his frustration, his desperation and despair into her, pushed her hard against the wall and kissed her roughly. She sighed beautifully, and he pushed her into his bed. They moved fiercely, uncaring of each other's pain. She murmured his name, and with his eyes closed, for a moment, he imagined her eyes were greener, her hair darker, and came with his jaw clenched tightly to keep Maren's name in his mouth.

He lay in bed, ten years later, two brunettes lying naked beside him, the same ugly, unworthy feeling in his chest that reminded him of why he couldn't have the one thing he wanted. He looked over to the clock, watched the minutes tick down. He felt a sudden urge to call, to take the flower shop's number from his desk and call and beg her to forgive him.

"Please let me do this right," he whispered into the darkness. "Please let me do this one selfless thing."

The darkness gave no answer.

Anders didn't sleep that night.


	16. Encounters of the Weird Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ty and Dawn meet the goddesses and Linnea comes clean

Maren woke at three in the morning and felt very alone. She hadn't done much dating since the Anders fiasco of their last year at uni, and most nights she spent alone, making plans she always changed in the morning anyway. This was a different kind of loneliness, though- not so much an abundance of space, but a physical lack of another person's presence. A specific person, too. She knew there was supposed to be someone beside her, with her.

She huffed.

"Fucking god shit," she muttered, rolling over to go back to sleep. She dreamed of Frigg, of Anders and Linnea and ice-cold apartments that smelled like apples. She dreamed of golden light, and dark words, and the ruin of beautiful cities because of the capriciousness of men. She dreamed of Anders, stretched out beside her on an old couch, of his tawny hair and keen eyes and that soft half-smile she only ever got to see in the quietest moments. She dreamed of his hands, his touch on her. She dreamed of things she had hoped for, things she had never thought could happen, things she knew didn't. The dreams became a tangle, a bright burn of trust and hope and sadness and _Anders_ , Anders in her very breaths like the scent of jasmine and gold.

She woke again, more tired and more alone than she had felt before. She knew Linnea would be her usual, forcedly happy self. She knew her life was very much under her control, that she had everything in hand and nothing of Anders' chaotic personality and taunting voice could reach her. She checked the calendar. Of course. It was the anniversary of the day Anders had ruined their friendship. Linnea had, ever-so-helpfully, put it on there. "Vicious harpy," she muttered, half- sincere, half-fond. It should have made things easier for her, the way Anders ended things.

It was worse, almost.

It had been bad enough for him to be a disrespectful, nigh-teenage prick who couldn't bring himself to look up her name and made her life a mess, it was a whole other problem for him to be the man she'd fallen in love with and who had, in turn, drunkenly revealed that he despised her very existence after three years of friendship. It was a problem she very much wanted to avoid discussing.

Naturally, it was exactly what Linnea wanted to talk about.

* * *

 

"You ready to talk about Anders?" She asked bluntly as Maren walked into the shop.

"No," Maren replied, out of habit. "I am over Anders Johnson." She walked past Linnea to deposit her purse in the back room, which had the added bonus of giving her another layer of defense between her and her friend. Linnea shrugged, reached her hand into the watering can she was holding to drop a few freshly-formed ice cubes into the orchids' pots.

"If you say so," she muttered. "You seem awfully upset to be over it," Linnea called, loud enough to reach her behind the curtain.

"He was my friend," she called back, frustration burning through her voice. "I'll never really be over it." The more she thought about it, the more discontented she became, until the flowers were wilting around her and the ice cubes in Linnea's hand were melting.

"Obviously," the red-head snorted, dropping them into the watering can.

"I liked him, Lin." Maren came back through the curtain, something small and fragile in her voice. "I _really_ liked him." She looked down, green eyes a sickly grey in the light. Everything about her looked drained, from her limp hair to her badly-tied shoelaces. The one day a year when she was something of a wreck.

"Sorry," she bit her lip. "I forget how close you were sometimes."

"I don't blame you," Maren muttered, straightening a pot of tulips. She turned, her armor pulled back up around her, and saw the mess she'd made of the shop. "Oh gosh, sorry," she said, grimacing. "Let me just-"

Just as she was reviving the last orchids, the door opened with the cheery tinkle of a bell. A pretty blonde and a tall brunette walked in, like a couple who weren't a couple yet.

"Hi, sorry, I'm Dawn," the blonde said, looking somewhat lost. "This is Ty. We're looking for a Maren Matteson?"

"That's me," Maren said, stepping forward and crossing her arms. "You mind if I ask why?"

"No, it's nothing bad, I swear," Dawn assured her, before turning to Ty. "At least I don't think so? Honestly, knowing Anders..."

"Anders Johnson?" Maren asked. Several thinsg flickered over her face before an expression somewhere between shock and hope caught and stayed there.

"You know him, then?" Ty asked, narrowing his eyes. Linnea scoffed, putting her watering can down.

"Oh, we know him," She began. "And if he asked you to come here and apologize, it's not happening. He fucked up too badly this time. Besides, it's been eleven years! he wants to come apologize for what he did, he can damn well do it himself-"

 _"Linnea."_ Maren's voice was cold and hard, and her face was still. "That's enough." Linnea closed her mouth and backed off of Ty, who was looking more and more confused than before. Maren turned her judgement on Dawn and Ty, both of whom felt something shudder down their spines- like white-hot metal and undiluted power. "Anders didn't send you." It wasn't a question.

"No, miss." Ty said. "He's been acting strange lately,a nd we found your name on his desk, along with this address."

"He knew," She muttered, bitter mirth on her face. "He knew where I was." She laughed, looking back at Dawn. "You his girlfriend?" Dawn, somewhat more relaxed now that the other woman's terrifying aura had calmed, shook her head vigorously.

"Anders doesn't have girlfriends, and if he did I would not be one of them," she said quickly. "I'm not really his type, I don't think."

"You'd have been exactly his type ten years ago," Maren said, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her hands. "Blonde, pretty, sweet."

"Uninterested," Linnea added with a snort. Maren managed a half-smile at that.

"If you don't mind my asking," Ty began. "How did you meet Anders?"

"He was a total twat, obviously," Linnea replied for her.

"He was twenty-one," Maren said quietly.

"So were we," Linnea countered, harshly. Maren nodded at that, shrugging.

"So you haven't seen each other in eleven years?" Dawn asked, bafflement spreading across her face.

"No." Maren said firmly.

"Then I'm very sorry to have disturbed you," Dawn said, still confused.

"It's no trouble," Maren smiled at her. Ty smiled back, awkwardly, and followed Dawn out of the shop.

"Who the fuck were they?" Linnea asked the moment they were out the door.

"I think the tall one was his brother," Maren said thoughtfully.

"Hm," Linnea hummed disapprovingly.

* * *

 

"Who were they?" Dawn asked in frustration, stalking back to her car.

"Old friends?" Ty posited, sliding into the passenger seat.

"What did Anders do to her to fuck up so monumentally?" Dawn continued, half-ignoring him.

"I'm not sure," he replied, preoccupied. "But I'm sure we'll find out sooner or later."

 

* * *

 

  
Dawn called it a day and went home to finish some paperwork, and Ty decided to stop off at Mike's. He had something to ask Olaf.

"Ty, hey. What's wrong?" Olaf was almost always rather intoxicated, Ty figured, but this seemed to be a better night than most. He was standing up straight, at least.

"Dawn and I went to see this woman today, because Anders had her name and address on his desk." Ty paused, unsure how to phrase what he felt. "She was a goddess, I think," he struggled again. "Powerful, y'know? Really powerful. She said maybe two words to her friend to get her to stop talking and it was like... Like she had no choice. She couldn't help listening to her." Olaf's brow furrowed. "I couldn't, either. If she'd asked me to do something, I would have."

"Where was this address?" Olaf asked, a consideration in his face that Ty rarely saw.

"Flower shop on Fifth and Vine, I think?" Ty replied, digging through his pockets for the slip of paper.

"A flower shop..." Olaf seemed even more deeply lost in thought. "What were the flowers like?"

"Beautiful," ty said, thinking. "They were almost too alive."

"She didn't happen to be regal?" At Ty's blank look. "Queenly, strong-willed, you know..."

"She was. All of that." He looked over his shoulder. "She was strong in a way I've never seen before."

"Ty," Olaf said, placing on hand on his shoulder. "I think you just met Frigg."

* * *

  
Linnea slammed a crate of crocus bulbs on the back table. She should have known Anders would do something like this. She shoudl have known he'd ruin all the hard work she'd put into keeping him away from Maren. Now she'd have to tell her what really happened.

"You alright?" Maren asked, tucking a pen behind her ear. The rest fo the day had passed in companionable quiet, Linnea tending to the backstock and inventory while Maren discussed business with a few wedding parties. Suddenly, they were in the same room for a period of time, and Linnea's behaviour was unnerving her.

"No," Linnea said, having made up her mind. "Because I have been lying to you for eleven years, and I can't do it anymore."

"Lin," Maren said warningly, "Don't play games with me."

"No games," Linnea sighed, bracing her hands on the table. "What Anders said was my fault," she began, not daring to look up at her friend's face. She couldn't bear to see the betrayal land. "I told him you were Frigg."

Maren's fists clenched, and every flower in the shop began to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.) I'd apologize for taking so long, but tbh I don't remember what got in the way so
> 
> 2.) Also, I love weird angsty romantic situations, so shoutout to anyone who loves Persuasion as much as I do. This story is for you. 
> 
> 3.) Anyway, I don't know how clear I've made this, but Maren is a pretty unique figure in this universe as far as interaction with your inner god/goddess goes. She's big into self-control, and very introspective, so I don't think it would take much for her to contact Frigg, whereas Anders assimilated Bragi pretty young. There's very little distinction between Bragi and Anders, so it's harder for him to control his powers and his urges to use them. Agnetha/Freya is the same- she and Freya aren't separate people so much as they're two sides of the same person- like the reasonable and unreasonable parts of you in an internal debate.   
> Ty and Mike do their best to compartmentalize, but they're less at peace with their identities and themselves than Maren or, say, Colin, who takes a similar approach as Maren. They're too resistant. Axl has almost no contact with Odin. He's almost powerless.   
> (Linnea, of course, doesn't give a shit. She uses her powers whenever, wherever, however she feels like. Like, Skadi's taking an eternal nap pretty much.)


End file.
